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Wednesday, 01 June 2016 19:44

Calvin Harris Dumped Taylor Swift

Well after just one year of dating, the fairy tale has ended for Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris who broke up with her this week. I'm sure Taylor is now feeling the sads in her heart place and that's a shame. Poor Taylor. Heartbreak sucks. But, I'm pretty certain Taylor has about thirty songs already written about Calvin since the split - a few days ago. Remember how Bob Dylan once told Leonard Cohen he can an write a song in fifteen minutes? Taylor heard that and went "Fifteen minutes? But that's like foreverrrrrrr."

“Adam really liked Taylor, she was not the type of girl he ever dates and he liked that. He liked how innocent Taylor was and that she had a good caring heart. But then boredom set in: “Taylor’s heart was more in it then he was. He started to lose interest over the past few months, but really tried to not just break up. They were just not very compatible in different areas in their relationship. The touring and traveling didn’t help. It seemed like they were more friends than lovers. There were no other women involved. He did not cheat on her at all. Just not a good match. Taylor was really disappointed in Calvin and felt like he wasn’t there for her. The relationship wasn’t progressing the way she wanted it to. She felt like he wasn’t taking it seriously enough and wouldn’t come through for her when she needed him most. She felt down and like her needs weren’t being met. She doesn’t want to get back together. They had no big blowout fight, but the romance just was not there anymore for them. Adam is the one that ended it. It was all done in a very mature fashion. Taylor is pretty upset but they are still in communication. Taylor was there for Calvin with his accident and supportive.”

So reformed former playboy Calvin gets into a really bad car accident and then comes to the realization that he just spent the last year of his life dating Taylor Swift? This sounds a lot like that Geena Davis movie The Long Kiss Goodnight where she gets into a bad car wreck one night and then she remembers she used to be a lethal, sexy, kick-ass government assassin and her life was a helluva lot more exciting than being a boring housewife so she goes right back to doing that. That's pretty much Calvin right now. He's just like Geena Davis. Except for the having Samuel L. Jackson as your wise cracking partner by your side. Oooh, tough luck there, Calvin.

Image Courtesy WENN

Published in Celebrity Gossip Tagged under Taylor Swift

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Published in Celebrity Gossip
Monday, 12 October 2015 00:00

Taylor Swift Is On Another Magazine Cover

Taylor Swift looks tanned and toned with her hair tousled on the cover of the latest issue of GQ. She also tells them stuff. None of it really important. I decided. Taylor didn't say a whole lot about her boyfriend Diplo, but there are whispers that Tay and Dip (or Taylo) are taking a break from each other. I've learned that when a woman suggests a "break" in a relationship, that means she's tired of kissing you while you have coffee breath and she's looking for somebody new. Or is that the type of thing which only happens to me? Taylor should call me. Sure I have coffee breath sometimes, but Taylor has a dozen cats. I'd hate to imagine what her cat's litter box in the front porch of her $15 million NYC penthouse smells like. Jus' sayin'.

Image Courtesy GQ

Published in Celebrity Gossip Tagged under Taylor Swift

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Published in Celebrity Gossip
Thursday, 30 July 2015 20:20

My Recent Weird Taylor Swift Dream

It's a bright, warm sunny day and some kind of festival/carnival is happening outside. I'm wearing a black suit trying to navigate around the area. Suddenly, for some reason, I begin running. I glance up to my right and there's a platform full of dancing girls all wearing sparkly gold outfits, smiling their faces off. I keep running and reach a shirtless, fit, male model lying on the ground with a rope hovering over him. I leap over the shirtless dude and the rope and continue running. Then as I turn the corner, it is now suddenly late evening and the sky has grown dark. I now realize why I'm running - the Academy Awards are happening tonight - except for the first time ever - they are being held outdoors in a grassy green open area. I'm standing a distance away and I have to cross a small fielded area to get to an empty seat. However, at that very moment, all eyes are focused on a girl just standing about 7-8 feet away from me. It's Taylor Swift in a long white Ralph Lauren dress and she's about to perform her song number.

Published in Celebrity Gossip

Look who it is, everyone. It's Taylor Swift once again on another magazine cover. The only reason any magazines are still operating these days is because Taylor Swift is around and to tell you the truth, she's not one to say no to appearing on your magazine if you have one. I'll bet if I contacted Taylor's people and asked them to send me a photo of her to put on the cover of a magazine I'm publishing, that photo of her would show up in my inbox faster than you could say "Meredith Grey." Maybe I should try that. Of course I'd need a magazine name. At this point I should just name it "Taylor Swift Weekly" because I'm just gonna put her on there every week anyway. I ain't stupid you know. Now give me money. I want to eat some Kraft dinner tonight.

Published in Celebrity Gossip

I don't know about you but I'm kinda let down by Taylor Swift's "Bad Blood" music video (featuring Kendrick Lamar) which premiered last night during the Billboard Music awards. The video's director, Joseph Kahn is a very talented guy but I think the dude watches way too many movies. The dude seriously rips off at least eight movies here and at one point, he even rips off those T-Mobile commercials which featured Carly Foulkes riding a motorcycle through the city while wearing a tight leather jumpsuit. Hey, whatever happened to her? She probably got beat up by Lilly the AT&T girl. Don't let Lilly's sweet disposition fool you. She'll murder a bitch if she had to. There's absolute rage burning behind those eyes I tell ya. Pure rage!

"Bad Blood" begins as Die Hard, switches to Minority Report, throws some Matrix into the mix, incorporates some Kill Bill, blatantly steals from The Fifth Element, adds a little Resident Evil (Milla Jovavich - call your lawyer - now), then we get Tron mixed with the T-Mobile commercial I already mentioned and - oh, is that Jessica Alba Taylor is riding with? These two should star in a biker babe movie together. And - hold on - is that Mariska Hargitay and Jessica Biel? Um, yeah. It is. That figures. We all know Taylor is a big Law & Order fan. I don't know why Ellen Pompeo isn't here seeing as how much Taylor loves Grey's but whatever. And look who else appears - Cindy Crawford shows up as "Headmistress." Is that Taylor's way of calling Cindy Old? Rude! Then the video finishes with Taylor and her friends as an all female version of The Expendables, which is a movie I'd actually love to see (nice boots, Taylor). Hey look - Taylor and Selena Gomez are gonna battle each other and bust each other up like gladiators. Whoever loses has to wash Justin Bieber's Incredible Hulk undies. Don't look at me. I didn't make the rules.    

Courtesy Big Machine Records LLC 2015

Published in Music Industry

Yesterday, Taylor Swift posted this promo for her upcoming music video "Bad Blood" on her Instagram page. Taylor has gone full Garth Brooks as Chris Gaines and assumed a new alter-ego - Catastrophe. Big surprise that Taylor the cat lover would choose a moniker that had "cat" in it. I guess this video is going to be in the style of those Sin City movies but unlike those films, I'm pretty certain we won't be seeing an appearance by Jessica Alba dancing in chaps. That blows.

Besides Taylor as Catastrophe, "Bad Blood" will feature Zendaya as Cut-Throat and Lily Aldridge as Frostbyte.The video is directed by Joseph Kahn who also directed Taylor's "Blank Space" video. Reportedly, Taylor wrote this song about Katy Perry and how Katy was acting like a totally not-nice queenie-meanie when she stole Taylor's back-up dancers last year for Katy's Prism tour. Just don't ask Taylor about it because she swore on her tricked-out Barbie dream house last month that she will, never, ever, ever talk about Katy and her dirty dancer-snatchin' cooties again. Instead watch Taylor's new video when it premieres on May 17th. I'm sure Katy will not be making any comment so we'll probably just have to wait until her next album which will feature her own song in response. I hope it includes the lyric, "That smiley blonde princess / thought she got the best of me / little does she know / I made them kill McDreamy on Grey's Anatomy."

It's gonna be war.

Image Courtesy Instagram

 

Published in Music Industry

In a post simply titled "Just so you know," on her Tumblr page, Taylor Swift broke the news to her fans that her mother, 57 year old Andrea Finlay was diagnosed with cancer. This after Taylor and her brother pleaded with Andrea to visit the Dr. and have tests performed. When the tests came back, the results tested positive for the dreaded disease that was concocted from Hell. Here is Taylor's full post:

"Hey guys, I’m writing to you with an update I wish I wasn’t giving you, but it’s important and I’m used to sharing important events in my life with you. Usually when things happen to me, I process them and then write music about how I feel, and you hear it much later. This is something my family and I thought you should know about now. For Christmas this year, I asked my mom that one of her gifts to me be her going to the doctor to get screened for any health issues, just to ease some worries of mine. She agreed, and went in to get checked. There were no red flags and she felt perfectly fine, but she did it just to get me and my brother off her case about it. The results came in, and I’m saddened to tell you that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer. I’d like to keep the details of her condition and treatment plans private, but she wanted you to know. She wanted you to know because your parents may be too busy juggling everything they’ve got going on to go to the doctor, and maybe you reminding them to go get checked for cancer could possibly lead to an early diagnosis and an easier battle… Or peace of mind in knowing that they’re healthy and there’s nothing to worry about. She wanted you to know why she may not be at as many shows this tour. She’s got an important battle to fight. Thank you for caring about my family so much that she would want me to share this information with you. I hope and pray that you never get news like this. Love you. Taylor"

There really isn't anything to say to that. I wish Taylor's mom all the best in her fight. Oh, I do have one thing to say: Hey, cancer! Why don't you go suck a dick?

That is all.

Image Courtesy SplashNews

 

Published in Celebrity Gossip

Very tall, blonde singing-person Taylor Swift is concerned about her public image and how her young fans see her. When they want to find out more about Taylor, they'll search for her on the internet. A lot of times, older people will use the internet to search for things too. More grown up-ish things. When they visit certain sites pertaining to these more mature interests, the sites will leave traces of their presence on the users computers. Then, when little Suzie and little Billy use the computer, search engines will fill in the rest of their search for them and show them a clicky to something they probably should not see. Then, if they're lucky, they're not completely traumatized for life. Just a little traumatized. In a few months, it'll be easier for web users to acquire domain names that are more mature in content.  In preparation, CNN reports that artists such as Taylor are attempting to control their brand by buying up those domains - ones that that use .porn, .nude and .sucks as the suffix before they go on sale publicly June 1st. However before that date, the The Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers is allowing companies and public figures to purchase those offending domain names. Taylor Swift was one of the people to purchase a number of them, so if you were hoping to buy taylorswift.porn or taylorswift.sucks you are probably out of luck. The same thing for justinbieber.sucks as well which is a shame because I'll bet it would be the most-searched url online. I'd make millions and then I wouldn't have to write about idiots every day - like, well, this one. 

Image Courtesy Wenn

 

Published in Celebrity Gossip
Thursday, 30 July 2015 13:01

Taylor Swift's Video For STYLE Is Here.

Taylor Swift fans have voted Blank Space as their favorite song off her album 1989 but they don't know anything because the best song on there is Style - an early 80's Blondie/Giorgio Moroder inspired track that you could imagine hearing in an episode of Miami Vice or in one of those Beverly Hills Cop movies. So yeah, I actually liked the song. But then Tay had to nearly ruin it by producing this video which looks like the opening credits for one of the final Roger Moore Bond movies.

In Style, Taylor holds shards of glass while reminiscing over a guy she either wants or has broken up with. Since this is a Taylor Swift song (which is reportedly about her breakup with Harry Styles - get it? "Style" - oh, you so clever, Tay) it's safe to assume it's about a guy she broke up with and the broken shards of glass represent her broken, jagged, shattered heart. From all the close-ups the Zac Efron look-alike is given in this video, it's apparent that Tay can't get him out of her mind. Look, dude - I have eyes like you and hair like you and trust me - that's not how it works. Women get over me very, very quickly. That's what you have in store, buddy. Bummer, right?

So let's run down what's in this video:

Taylor is in the woods.

Taylor is in the rain.

Taylor plays with broken glass.

Taylor wears a tight white dress.

Taylor appears as the angel at the end of the Twin Peaks movie

Taylor receives a coupon to join Eharmony.

Okay, I made that last item up. But, really it wouldn't be a bad idea. I'm Just sayin'.

Video Courtesy Big Machine 2015

 

Published in Music Industry
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